Original Date of Post: 6/20/12
This is an excerpt from Twilight: Breaking Dawn ReVAMPED. The baby is being born and Bella is being changed into a REAL-make-believe Vampire.
Edward and Bella probably say stuff to each other. She'll tell him that she's Ok now - even if she doesn't make it. She's never been happier, and she never expected to ever be this happy no matter how long her life was to have lasted. JUST KNOWING that this baby will probably get to live out a long, full, happy life with him makes her heart SOAR!
Carlisle can't fix the damage - it's too much. When things start to look hopeless, Rosalie will go to Edward and offer to take the baby from him to clean her up, etc. She's feeling Ok about it, so far. Edward will hand her the baby and she and Carlisle will leave so Edward and Bella have a little privacy.
Edward kind of has to wait until just the right moment... Until Bella gets to that place sort of between life and death. There are a few things that can go wrong when you're changing a Human into a Vampire. Timing is one of those things that needs to be "on". It is almost always a conscious decision to turn a Human into a Vampire. And Vampires are kind of picky... They don't change just anyone, because the connection is truly eternal "until death us do part" whether you like it or not. There is NO undoing this mystical connection.
Edward will hold Bella but they won't do much talking. She's almost unconscious by this time. There is probably some "life flashing before your eyes" stuff going on for both of them. Remember... Edward is metaphysically connected to Bella. He's not just "feeling her die" - it FEELS like he is actually dying, too. NO, this CAN'T be easy for him at ALL!
Maybe he is EVEN seeing some intermittent things that are going through her mind as it starts to wander off... Kind of like it skirts the dream world as it goes beyond into death (THIS Edward can read Bella's dreams when she's sleeping). Bella would maybe see some things as hallucinations or something, and Edward will see them, too. That would be really hard for him... This is the last time he will see her dreams or get a glimpse into her mind. There is a part of him that will deeply mourn losing this connection with Bella.
Edward won't need to sink his teeth into Bella to drain her blood, she's been bleeding for awhile. He gives her some of his blood at just the right time. It doesn't need to be much, just a swallow or two. And since her body is RIGHT at the point of death, it will immediately start to respond to the mystical and metaphysical effects of Edward's blood.
I'm going to go off on a "what happens" during this time, tangent... First, MOST Vampires (not Stephenie's) actually DIE for awhile when they are changed. That's why they come up out of coffins and dig themselves out of the ground, etc. Human people actually SEE them die, give them a funeral and bury them. They are usually dead for a few hours to a few days before the turn is completed and they claw themselves out of their graves as immortal Vampires.
HOWEVER, we CAN'T do that to our beloved BELLA! The FIRST time I read through this part almost a year ago, now... *I* hadn't put that much thought into how Vampires changed, before. And while I realized that Stephenie obviously had a whole bunch of things wrong about them in her story; I thought the way she described Bella changing into a Vampire was really cool.
I'm going to LEAVE how Bella changes into a Vampire THE SAME as Stephenie originally wrote it - with Bella's heart beating slow & steady up until the moment she is finally done baking - SIMPLY because I thought it WAS BETTER! (I know, every once in awhile I'm sure I shock the hell out of you all, ha!) DAMN, that was some really beautiful writing, Stephenie! It seemed like the WHOLE WORLD skipped a beat when Bella's heart STOPPED beating just before she opens her eyes.
THAT's how this Bella would go through the transformation. It MAKES SENSE that the effects of Edward's blood would keep her heart barely beating and that it would INCREASE to a slow, steady beat until the change is completed. During this time, NOT ONLY is Bella's body being changed into a Vampire; but it is being HEALED, first! THAT's why Vampires almost always turn out to seem so perfect and beautiful (IN Stephenie's world) - because that is part of their change. Their imperfections are perfected. (YES, this means that ESME wouldn't have a "baby pouch", ha!)
These Vampires will die too, but they will spend only a few moments on the inside edge of death before they are essentially locked into the prisons of their Vampire bodies.
Being changed into a Vampire - as far as the SOUL is concerned - isn't any different than when a HUMAN actually dies. At the moment of death a Human's soul begins to essentially dissolve into the non-corporeal thing that it is from the body AND the spirit.
Our soul is THE "supernatural", mystically-created thing about Humans that was created FOR Humans (insert whatever your own personal beliefs surrounding that are, here). It is meant to be a BRIDGE of communication (of sorts) between body & spirit - it isn't necessarily meant to be an eternal thing. It is something that CAN BECOME an eternal thing by fusing with spirit. (Of COURSE I just made all this up, ha!)
Whatever portion of the soul that may have fused with the spirit during that person's life for whatever reason, would become a part of that person's spirit that continues on in the afterlife - whatever that belief is for you. Some of us believe in places like Heaven or Hell, others believe in reincarnation, etc. What happens after Humans die in Twilight can STAY undefined so that we can all indulge in our own beliefs and not get into a silly discussion surrounding THAT, ha!
So essentially all this means is that things get flipped around a bit for Vampires... Instead of their spirits being set free after their souls dissolve, they are basically held prisoner inside of these newly-transformed bodies WITHOUT their souls to give them the emotions and sensibilities, etc. of their formerly-Human existence.
For example, when Carlisle was changed into a Vampire, he kept the portion of his soul that would have remained with his spirit into the afterlife... It became "the thing" that kept him from wanting to be a monster; and it also became the thing he was able to pass onto his Vampire children as he changed them from Humans into Vampires.
NONE of the Cullens want to be monsters because of this one thing. When I think of Carlisle's Vampire "powers", it consists of both compassion and FAITH. Compassion is what makes the Cullen's CARE, and faith is what made Carlisle able to keep a larger chunk of his soul than most other Vampires.
Spirit isn't something that can be touched/destroyed, but it can be mystically-contained for awhile in order for us "as spirits" to experience whatever kind of existence we are indulging in. In the case of us Humans, this physical container lasts about a hundred years - give or take a few decades, ha! In a Vampire's case, it can be contained for eternity - however long that lasts. :)
Incidentally, AFTER a Human is changed into a Vampire, they experience feelings and emotions differently. IF the Vampire survives WITHOUT any - or hardly any - of their soul intact (and let's face it, HOW many people don't take care of their souls very well); that Vampire would rely almost ENTIRELY on HUMAN blood in order to feed the empty hole of the hollow existence that the soul leaves behind in them (because animal "souls" are different, if you believe they have one).
ALSO, Vampires CAN FEEL without a soul JUST though their spirits via their mystical essence - HOWEVER, they are usually alot stronger than Human emotions BECAUSE they have NO SOUL to filter anything through. They have a direct link to all of their feelings and emotions - however twisted those may or may not be after they are changed.
BUT, Vampires CAN ALSO FEEL from whatever portion of their soul that is left over after they are changed, AND/OR they can feel things through BOTH at the same time - JUST like Humans do! But again... It "feels" different because the soul is no longer in the same place it was when they were Humans. It is no longer connecting the body and the spirit, no longer performing the duties that it once did. Vampires no longer (usually) have much use for Human sensibilities.
It IS incredibly, mind-numbingly PAINFUL for Bella to go through the change from a Human to a Vampire. I bet it feels "heavy" - like her body is literally turning a different kind of hardened, heavier substance. Her skin probably feels sharp, painful stings like she is being stung over and over again by a wasp as all the those extra-sensory receptors of ALL kinds - not just for sunlight - form within it. She would also feel some of this inside of her body - her lungs, in particular, also have other kinds of extra-sensory receptors forming deep within them. Maybe it also feels like things are moving around inside of her.
It might seem to Bella like she is sinking deeper and deeper into something darker and darker - something further and further away from herself. It's NOT that she's such a Mary Sue that she stays quiet - she literally CAN'T move a muscle or make a sound. It's like she is entombed or buried alive inside of her own body. She probably isn't conscious for alot of it, but perhaps intermittently. But what she is conscious for won't make much sense to her. Her entire body - inside and out, INCLUDING her MIND - is being attacked and physically-rearranged molecule by molecule to morph her into another semi-mystical state of being...
CLICK HERE to read about what's going on with the baby in between this time. :)
LATER, AS Bella is Waking Up as a Newborn Vampire...
I think the first thing that would really stick out to Bella, is how incredibly STILL she feels - within and without, NOTHING within her is moving - no blood flowing through her veins, no heartbeat, etc. And while we may not notice how much motion goes on or how much noise our body actually makes throughout our moments; Bella, as a newborn Vampire would NO longer FEEL like a Human Being. She won't even remember what that was like very well, at first.
Her scent would kick in, next... At first, her senses would maybe be overwhelmed with strong smells that she has never been able to smell before; and it may be the thing that sort of shocks her into opening her eyes. I thought Stephenie did a pretty good job of describing the new colors Bella sees - that would happen. You OFTEN hear people who have gone through near-death experiences talking about seeing colors they never saw before. Bella would also hear alot more sounds including all those subtle ones we Humans barely notice and others that we plain 'ol can't hear.
Edward would be there when Bella opens her eyes, of course. The irises of her eyes would be as black as her pupils and her new Vampire flesh would literally be pale-white-dead; because at THIS moment in time, her new Vampire body is COMPLETELY devoid of blood. Her body was almost drained of it before she was changed. What little she had inside of her was utilized in the transformation along with Edward's blood. (Newborns ARE extra-strong in this rewrite, but NOT because their own blood lingers in their tissues, as in Twilight. I'm not so sure that you'd need any other reason for them to be strong other than they are new/raw.)
Bella would look at Edward and NOT recognize exactly who he is, at first; but she WILL recognize that he is someone she can trust DESPITE this - BECAUSE of the even deeper metaphysical bond they have, now. The rest will come to her slowly, but memories will sometimes seem a little distorted at first. What she does remember correctly at first, kind of seems like it is disconnected from her - like she is looking at someone else's memories instead of her own.
This is because Bella's SOUL is (almost) GONE, now! She NO LONGER has the feelings that were attached to those memories. ALOT of Vampires actually lose their memories BECAUSE memory is such a complex thing to keep from being destroyed during the transformation. BUT, it is also one of the last things that gets destroyed because it is so internally embedded within our minds, so it often gets spared or twisted a little (or alot). This is why so many Vampires are INSANE, ha!
This is also the reason why Bella knows that Edward is safe, because she essentially has no soul to filter anything through anymore. I know Bella's mom refers to her and Edward as "magnets" in Eclipse; but NOW is when they would really feel like a set of magnets because they no longer have the buffer of Bella's soul between them.
I wouldn't have the other Vampires in the room, at first... I felt like Bella's privacy was being intruded upon, like she was on display for the whole wide world. I don't think Bella would want a spotlight on her, at first. It would be REALLY disconcerting for her to adjust in these first few moments because EVEN though her Human memories surrounding "what it's like to be a Human" are no longer as familiar to her; those are really all her HEAD KNOWS until her Vampire instincts kick in and she finds her Vamp legs, ha!
Bella will wake up in the dark, sometime in the middle of the night. Both Jacob and Charlie are staying up at the cabin for now. They have the night baby watch. Edward has probably checked in on Meadow a few times, but she is being pretty well taken care of and Bella is pretty much consuming his thoughts.
Despite the fact that everything seems to be going smoothly within Bella's body as far as her transformation goes; she could still wake up with any number of dysfunctional issues - she could have no memory of being Human at all, like Alice didn't; she could turn out to be a ravaging monster that they might not be able to get under control; she could be crazy... SO many things could be wrong about Bella. She may also still NOT wake up! Her heart may stop beating and nothing happens... a failed attempt.
Edward has probably been sensing Bella's slow awakening... Kinda like watching a baby chick take awhile to work it's way out of it's egg, ha!
Bella will open her eyes and look up at Edward. He will take her hand as she reaches out to help her sit up. She will gaze into his eyes quietly for a few moments as things start to settle into thoughts in her mind - if Edward needed to breathe like a Human he would probably be holding his breath right now, ha!
The first thing Bella will say to Edward is, "Where is my baby?" She will ask this question directly with very little emotion behind it.
It took me awhile to think of "what Bella's first words would be" - some of you may have noticed a semi-long pause before this continuation. I'm just writing this out as a summary, so I haven't gone into much detail with alot of things... But, this is one thing *I* wanted to see happen in detail along with alot of other estranged Twihards; so I guess I wanted to sink into Bella's skin a little bit to see what REALLY could have happened to her as she is changed in a real-make-believe Vampire.
WHAT WOULD Bella's firsts thoughts be... When a Human is changed into a Vampire, the SITUATION surrounding their death CAN almost have as much IMPACT on their developing personalities as is the influence of the mystical essence of the Vampire who changed them.
That's why Esme has a hard time with pregnant women, babies; and to a lesser extent, children - because of "where her mind was at" at the time she was dying. It's probably also why Rosalie's finance didn't stand a chance after she was changed.
It probably felt like her CALLING to make him die in the most appropriately-horrific way, ha! Neither Carlisle nor the rest of her family even tried to stop her - maybe Edward suggested it because he could read her mind; but Carlisle would have known that Rosalie would never have been able to move on with her Vampire existence if she didn't take care of this loose end of her Human life "her way".
Bella's traumatic death experience would have influenced HER change in the same way. The LAST thing she saw is the most potent memory for her that would have survived - her baby's eyes. It MAY have even been one of the last things Edward saw in her mind while she was dying. They would have been like crystals she was focusing on. The memory of them would have embedded itself into her mind - not JUST the physical appearance of them, but how her little newborn soul seemed to glisten and sparkle behind them.
Bella would have TWO parallel sets of thoughts going through her head in this moment... 1) as a new mother, she WOULD be curious about her baby and feel a powerful, protective connection to Meadow; but SIMULTANEOUSLY, 2) as a NEWBORN VAMPIRE absolutely DEPLETED of blood - Bella would CRAVE the soul-essence of her baby's blood MOST of all!
Bella is now a Vampire and ALOT more 2-dimensional without the majority of her soul - just like the rest of her Vamp family. She will be FOCUSED, at first, on wanting this baby - BOTH to get closer to her because she loves her; AND because there is NOTHING she would rather sink her teeth into.
Edward won't be able to read Bella's mind of course, but he'll be tuned-in enough to know - ESPECIALLY with his own experience as a Vampire - that Bella has an underlying reason for wanting to know about her baby (because of the way she said it). It will immediately concern him, and he will hand her the first of several large, pre-filled thermos's of blood.
As Bella is drinking the FIRST one, he'll send a text to Alice to get her butt up here, now! (He'll say it in a more "Edward" way, of course, ha!) Alice needs to meet Bella as a Vampire so she can see future visions surrounding her. After Bella's pregnancy began to escalate, Alice lost her ability to see Bella because of presumed "interference" from the baby. And just as in Stephenie's version, Alice can't see anything surrounding the baby - probably simply because she is "different". Her soul/spirit probably reads differently than either a Human's or a Vampire's.
Alice can sort of "fast forward" on people, however... She can't read Bella's visions; but before she heads over to Bella's room, she'll do an "immediate future sweep" on Edward to see what kind of mood Bella is in before she enters the room; AND to see if she can "catch" any glitches ahead of time.
She'll see Bella insisting to Edward that she wants to see her baby NOW - and she's starting to get pretty upset about it in Alice's vision. Alice is as aware as Edward is regarding what this could mean, and ALICE in many ways is SO brilliant... I'm not sure WHY exactly, maybe because of her being clairvoyant.
First, she has NO memory of being Human to cloud her judgements. Second, she's probably tapped directly into the ether "just enough" to "just know" or "just see" stuff - and many times, she SEES it as FACT, LoL! This is why Alice seems so strange to everyone, because part of her head probably lives in the ether and she talking from two different planes of existence most of the time, ha!
Alice has an idea that she starts working on immediately - she doesn't even have to go see Bella, yet. She'll come prepared; and since Edward can read her mind, he'll see what the delay is and be a little relieved for the help. It SEEMS like a good idea...
As soon as Edward starts handing Bella thermos's of blood, she literally has no choice in the matter. It is as automatic for her to grab one and drain it, as it is for a newborn Human baby to suck on a bottle. She won't be saying ANYTHING, she's seriously PARCHED. She's downing them like college kids downing plastic cups of beer at a frat party, and not spilling a drop, ha! As soon as she's done with one, she hands it to Edward and he hands her another opened one.
I don't know how many Bella drinks before she starts to slow down... Her skin will slowly start to get some color into it, and her eyes will begin to slowly lighten up. She'll also begin to think a little more coherently because of the re-animated blood that she is drinking. What little of Bella's soul is left is being ENHANCED by it ever so slightly... It helps, kinda like something dry being lubricated.
Let's talk about Bella's slice of soul for a bit... As it turns out, Bella would probably have kept a small sliver of her soul no matter what kind of Vampire had changed her. She was a young girl who was very in touch with herself, she cared about people AND things, she expressed herself through her journal and fed her soul throughout her life. Yeah, she was young, but she probably grew up fast and pretty alone at times. She basically became her own best friend, ha! PLUS, dying so her baby could be born was PROBABLY a pretty intense soul-fusing experience!
So Bella would have kept a larger portion of her soul than normal JUST because of how she took care of her soul while she was a Human - some of her original soul would have begun fusing with the spirit part of her before she died. It may have been similar with Edward because he was a musician. Carlisle kept a portion of his own soul for HIS own reasons (as did Alice & Jasper) - it didn't necessarily have anything to do with the Vampire who changed him.
Bella would have kept a portion of her own soul, PLUS the effects of Carlisle on Edward would have allowed her to not only keep just a little bit more; but ALSO as much of the "compassion" aspects of things that could be saved. THIS will help Bella ALOT with Alice's little idea, later.
Bella will feel a little more adjusted when she asks Edward about her baby again. He'll tell her that Meadow is beautiful and fine. And he'll promise her she will get to meet her just as soon as she feels like she can without hurting her.
Bella will KIND of "get this", but she's still a little fuzzy in the head. She is starting to understand that she has just gone through a major change - like, everything inside of her is trying to collect itself and understand what it going on within itself. It's like a bunch of brand new, heavy-duty, state-of-the-art machines are being turned on all at the same time in a brand new factory. They all have to get in sync and work together.
Edward will ask Bella to try and relax and tell him what she remembers (he won't need to ask her how she's feeling). That's when Bella will try to focus on him for a bit... NO, neither one of them are thinking about jumping each other's bones, yet. It isn't the sexiest thing on the planet to DIE in childbirth then wake up as a Vampire with your immortal beloved!
It would have been FAR SEXIER if Edward had changed Bella during a romantic moment... I have no idea if that thought ever crossed Stephenie's mind, but it SURE would have been nice! She could have had this whole, dire baby birth; Bella could have LIVED for awhile and ENJOYED some Human-mama baby time AND her Human existence with Edward; and then someday at the timing she & Edward chooses...
Yeah, I think it would have been a MUCH more satisfying story for us all. Bella's change could have maybe been the end two or three MORE books AHEAD (I know, Stephenie would have had to THINK UP ADVENTURES for them to go on that didn't necessarily center around Bella - not sure that's something she is capable of).
It would have been the start of another PHASE of their "eternity" together. *I* think Bella would have ENJOYED seeing the WORLD as a Human and getting to explore it with her new family - MAYBE even finishing college, etc. She would have those experiences to contradict how different things become for her after she changes into a Vampire. YES, as I said earlier - little sips of EDWARD's blood could have KEPT her whatever age she wanted to stop at for however long she wanted to look that old, ha!
GOSH, throw away all those damn treatments and creams, Ladies - we all just need to find a willing Vampire who will donate! (If you're out there and you REALLY exist, Vampires... I hope you're reading this and it gives you ideas, ha!)
We could have gotten to know Bella more as a Human, and then when she was changed into a Vampire; we would have been able to CLEARLY SEE what had changed about her. DAMN, really... THIS is *my* biggest heartbreak about this dysfunctional story. I wanted to follow along with Bella and watch her live out her life BOTH as a Human AND as a Vampire... But Stephenie just ignored it and replaced it with what SHE wanted for Bella. (*deleted curse*)
The way this story is currently written makes me SAD beyond the telling of it...STILL after ALL this time... GOD, I'm beginning to wonder if all this frustration and resentment is EVER going to go away! (Incidentally, I'm sure it would help ALOT if just SOME of you would throw me a bone and sign my damn petition, ha! We ONLY need 50 measly signatures to SEND it to these companies, and that's ALL I'm really looking for - some sort of SPLASH out here that they will SEE!)
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So, NO... There will be no "curling inappropriately around Edward " anytime soon for Bella... SEX would NOT be at the top of her Vampire-to-do list!
Edward and Bella will talk for a bit while they are waiting for Alice... Actually, every time this conversation has played out in my head it has been different BUT the tone is always the same. It's quiet, soft... Edward is talking to Bella in a calm, low voice. She's responding, but she's a little detached... I may flesh this conversation out a bit more for you, later.
Like I keep saying, Vampires are somewhat 2-dimensional; and Bella would LOSE alot of her Human sensibilities during her transformation. Her personality WOULD change, a bit. Her responses (at first) would maybe seem kind of selfish and "all about me" - maybe even childlike, at times. They would be simple, direct and probably pretty emotionless to begin with.
Bella remembers who Edward is by now, but her Human feelings surrounding him are kind of vague. And YET, it's NOT like she doesn't feel close to him. I think her thoughts are kind of in a conundrum for at least the first hour or two until the blood starts to really sink into her body.
When Vampires are starving they kind of dry up inside. Yes, they can live practically forever without feeding (like if they get buried alive); but their bodies would become incapacitated until if/when blood was ever restored to their systems to rejuvenate it. Bella's new Vampire body would need time for the nutrients from the blood to absorb into her tissues before it can begin "working its magic" into her.
Eventually, Alice will make an appearance... Bella has continued to insist that she wants to see her baby. Alice actually manages to enter the room quietly (I guess I keep seeing Bella waking up in Edward's old room in that big, King-size bed, ha!) NOT as her usual whirlwind self. She has seen Bella in her visions and knows she needs to tone things down a bit.
Alice is pretty good at smoothing things over, though... She'll elaborate more about Meadow for Bella and tell her that she's still sleeping (which, she is) - and that she's brought a bunch of pictures for her in the meantime. Alice's little project was to gather everyone pictures from cell phones and digital cameras (you know everyone has been taking TONS of pictures AND video, ha!); and put them online in one place so they could show Bella picture after picture of Meadow WITHOUT having her in the same room with Bella.
Doing THIS will actually stimulate Bella's "compassion" feelings along with any other feelings she may have leftover surrounding her baby, along with everyone else's image she is seeing - Edward with the baby, Charlie with the baby, etc. This would go a LONG way toward helping Bella to develop a stronger bond to her baby and her family inside of her newly-developing mystical Vampire essence. I've probably forgot to mention that the first few moments/hours for Vampires ALSO have a HUGE impact on their development.
We would have seen this contradiction with Meredith & Victoria. Victoria would have DESTROYED Meredith's beloved Cello (that she called Romeo) BECAUSE she was TRYING to turn her into a monster. Meredith would have turned into one anyway, of course - but a sire, in particular, can sway the development of a new Vampire in this way.
IF they had introduced Bella to Meadow before IMPRINTING the image of her into Bella's mind, Bella would have been struggling with her scent at the same time - which will be very strong to her, at LEAST at strong as she was to Edward when they first met, ha!
Bella WILL fall COMPLETELY back in love with Meadow while she is looking at image after image up on Edward's old computer screen; AND Alice and Edward will be telling Bella about how special Meadow is WHILE still handing her thermos after thermos of blood, ha!
After a couple of hours go by, the sky will start to lighten "Breaking Dawn" and the rest of the Cullens will come around to welcome their newly-hatched Vamp chick. Carlisle will give another WoW on her first exam, too. She'll be PERFECT, of course, ha! He'll go into even more details for her regarding Meadow from a doctor's perspective.
By the time Bella finally sets her eyes on Meadow later that morning... She will be well-satiated with blood; reasonably-adjusted in her head; understand that she is feeling these TWO equally-powerful DESIRES surrounding her baby inside of her - to love her AND to drain her; and she will be very cooperative because she knows these Vampires, trusts them, AND she can FEEL a connection to them beyond anything she's ever felt for them before - especially with Edward, of course.
Charlie & Jacob have been informed that Bella is Ok, by now... But it's not like they can really come running and give her a big hug, ha! Alice has sent them a cell phone photo of Bella after her eyes and skin started looking more normal. Charlie is so relieved when he sees it, that he breaks down into tears in the bathroom!
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